Help me understand.

I've been completely and utterly obsessed with this new band I came across called Paper Route. Their music is amazing. I love that every song on the album is different then the one before. Its the type of cd that you can pop into your cd player and never take out. I haven't felt this way about music in a while.

http://www.paperrouteonline.com/absence/

Was supposed to go out tonight with a boy I was really starting to like. He had to cancel because something came up with work. I want to believe him. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt because he seems like a genuinely nice guy. However, I've been lied to so many times I'm not exactly sure what to believe. Oh well.

Confused

Being logic is just beyond me sometimes.

Every guy I know tells me that guys are 'simple creatures'. Really? Simple as in - I'm going to mean what I say and say what I mean. Or simple as in - listen to nothing that I say because its probably not true. I gets me really confused.

And no, no I'm not confused on 4th of July jello shots. I actually didn't have one thing to drink today although I did have some great grilled chicken. Men confuse me. Growing up I used to think there were all these rules when it came to dating - let him chase you, don't be too available, and follow your heart. Sadly, when I followed those rules things never worked out. Then I changed and started to do whatever I felt like. I started chasing boys, would respond to their emails/texts within 24 hours, and would sleep with them if I felt like it. Sadly, that too hasn't worked out for me.

I just don't understand why people can't be adult enough to be upfront and honest. If I like someone I'm going to tell them. Obviously I'm not going to do it out of no where but if I feel the mood is right then I'm going to go for it. No this doesn't involve the 'L' word. More along the lines of 'Hey (fill in the blank), I like you. I like hanging out with you and I have fun when I'm around you. I know you are really busy and have a bunch of stuff on your plate but I would love to see you again and see where this goes. Hmm...pretty upfront and honest. Great opportunity for the other person to say either 'yeah I dig you too' or 'wow you totally disgust me go away'. I was expecting that. What I wasn't expecting was the ignoring of texts, no phone calls, emails, nothing.

After the initial shock of feeling like a total idiot for putting myself out there I settled down. Did I sleep with him too soon? Maybe. Did I misunderstand him wanting to hang out with me and taking me out to dinner? Possibly. Where the compliments and slight touches nothing but him being friendly? It could happen. Regardless of what his reasons are the bottom line is he's not that into me. Because if he was he wouldn't have let a week go by without making an effort to contact me - no matter how busy he is.

I will chalk this up to experience.

It happens...

I came across this quote today and it made sense. I had a crazy weekend. Those of you that were there know exactly what I'm talking about it. It was so not like me at all but I had a blast. For once I stopped thinking cautiously and lived in the moment. I took a risk. I let things happen. It was fun.

So the quote:
"Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before."

The crying game...

I've been house hunting for the past 3 weeks and its exhausting. There are so many different factors that you have to consider that it can be quite overwhelming. I know what I want and I have faith that when I see it everything will fall into place. For some reason I see a picture of the sea parting much like Moses did back in the day. Until then I will continue searching. Ugh.



Lately I've encountered some people who think that its okay for them to completely disappear out of my life with no warning and then pop back in when they feel it necessary. That is so not cool to me. I hate games. I hate games more then anything especially when people feel the need to play them with me. I'm a nice person, but I am only human and can only take so much. At some point I just stop caring and that's when 'Mean Mariana' comes out. She can be quite bitchy, really. But more importantly she's honest. If you don't like what you hear its not my problem, its yours. People don't like to have their flaws pointed out to them especially when the other person is right. All I can say is that life is tough, so wear a helmet.

How now brown cow?

Its been a while since I've posted. But I'm back. I have been up to no good really. Spent about 2 months dating a cop only to get my heart ripped out. I admire people who decide to be in the police department but think that it takes a particular personality for one to choose that path. If you are the sensitive type (i.e. me) don't date a cop. They can be ruthless. Nevertheless I am picking up the pieces and slowly getting my s*&t back together. Its so hard to not have someone for so long that you easily get caught up in the moment. The lesson that I've learned from all this is to read between the lines. Oh, and if your friends tell you that he's a d-bag then he probably is. Sometimes when you are too close to the situation you don't want to see exactly what's going on.